Wednesday, 8 March 2017

I feel...tired...

I don´t remember when was the last time I felt rested after I woke up. And it doesn´t matter if I sleep 4 hours or 8 hours. The result is always the same - I wake up feeling tired, beaten, not wanting to even leave the bed or my house.
I have a new camera finally, but I don´t even enjoy it as much as I would love to. To be honest...I feel like I can´t really enjoy anything anymore.
I can´t find the time for everything I would love to and my imagination, motivation and inspiration is having a really, really bad time.
There were times, when I was full of ideas...for photos, for drawings...I even used to write stories, poetry, making some drawings of clothing I would love to wear. I was making up whole worlds for my stories. And I was always blogging, aways had a word to say to the world.

But now...I feel empty, stressed, tired and just exhausted without motivation.
And my work...I used to like it, even when sometimes it was crazy and I used to complain a lot, but I did enjoy it anyways.
But last months I have the feeling that I can´t go like this for much longer. My work is piling up, and what I do one day, the next day it ´s back twice as much. I work at an automotive factory, but what we have lately it´s just...not normal. We never ever used to have problems like this, it´s just too much work and with all the new paperwork they are always adding, it´s even worse.

I would take some free days to rest, but I´m scared, that it will end like last time - I needed to take the remaining free days from last year.  And after three days off work, I had to much work piled on, that I was almost desperate. I still have a lot of work left from that days, and everyday new problems keep piling up.

There is just no end to this.
And it´s not just the weariness I feel that´s ruining my mood. I gained weight, my hair is getting worse, it´s damaged and skin used to be clear even when I was going through puberty, but now it´s just horrible quality and nothing helps.
If I didn´t model, I probably wouldn´t take it as bad. But as someone, who does editing and retouching, I know that it isn´t that much fun to retouch all the pimples and all the wrinkles  I should not have this soon and it´s almost impossible to find a make-up with great coverage with my skin tone, where I live (and the one I found was just giving me more pimples).  And let´s be honest - nobody really wants a model with damaged hair and bad skin.

I´m really thinking about quiting my current  job, but I don´t know where to go next. And of isn´t just like that, when you need to pay rent, eat and just live. My salary it´s just the right amount to live through the month. But now that for next ten months I will pay for the camera, it will be just barely enough.

And I was also thinking about not doing modelling anymore and focus more on the photography part, but I just love standing in front of the camera too much.
Maybe it´s just the long months of bad was a pretty winter for some days, but mostly it was just wet, windy,  with fog and freezing cold. I don´t like too warm weather, but I really wish for a normal spring to come. Maybe going more out in the nature will help me get through this (but now it´s just mud everywhere, with the cold wind blowing like crazy again). I want to start running outside, which I hope will help me boost my energy a little bit (but I don´t dare doing to in this cold...I know my imune system too well, and I would most likely just get sick :D). And of course, I want to start taking photos outside and doing some nature photoshoots, too.
I don´t want anyone to pity me. I just wanted to let it out, like a loud tought, because it also helps me lighten the burden, and think about finding a solution and way ouf and maybe you deserve to know why I´m so often "away" from Facebook and social platforms in general.
But don´t worry...I will fight it, I won´t let it to get me down...

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Before and after

I decided to add some before and after photos as I´m learning with Lightroom and Photoshop now. Here is one of the first. :)

Photo by Slavo Mir Photography

Saturday, 11 February 2017

From the scratch

A few days ago I got a new laptop. Well, not really new, to be honest, more like reeeeeeally, reeeeeally old, but still working (thanks to my friend and flatmate Tomas) and better than the netbook I had before. And the best thing is - I finally have Photoshop and Lightroom!
I didn´t have Photoshop for years now, I edited photos in Photofiltre (but some people were really surprised, that I did quite good with a editor like that), but it just wasn´t enough and I would like to spend more time editing and maybe later, when I get better, even do it profesionaly. I really love editing photos, but I so used to Photofiltre, that trying to do something in Photoshop is lke starting from scratch. And because I never had Lightroom, it´s litterally starting from scratch. :D
But I´m determined... I can do it.

And I have a great teacher, whos photos and edits I really like, even when he shoots something little bit different (he´s mostly a dog photographer, so if you love dogs and nice photos, go and check his FB page: Mattphoto. Or you can see his portraits and photos of people on instagram @matt_shoots_people ).
I already started slowly editing and trying what Lightroom can do. I know some basics, and now I have to experiment more and look at some tutorials, to learn some tips and tricks.  And the same with Photoshop. As it doesn´t have some of the features I was used to in Photofiltre ( does, but little bit diferent), I have to look up, how to retouch photos the best.

Sorry for the quality, it´s just taken with mobile camera :D

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Birthday photoshoot

Yesterday was my birthday... A year older..Again. Oh, how the time flies. And that´s not very good, I don´t want to be oldeeeeer. :´(

But, the birthday was great. A friend of mine - Assay (you can find here on facebook page under Assay of Darkwood) came to my town, so of course we planned a little photohoot together. We already did one some photos time ago and it was great. It was like we knew eachother for years, yet we just met that day.
I somehow feel surprisingly comfortable, shooting with  her, even something maybe little bit provocative.

We decided for two outfits - one more causal with a little bit of punk vibe

And one more in romantic goth tone

And maybe the most time spent was by changing and and tuning out outfits. :D Well, we are girls after all. :D

We shot with Iain. He´s a Briton, who now he lives in Slovakia (his page: [here] ).
First we took a couple of photos on the outside, but because of the cold we soon came back inside, where we changed. He has an amaing flat, so vintage, ideal for steampunk-ish photos. But, there is not too much space, but we can still work with that.
It was really nice and it´s always a great way to force me to speak english and improve.

It was fun and I´m curious about the photos. Maybe I will get some unedited and can edit them myself. Because soon I will finally have Photoshop again and can start to edit photos for real. But I have to train and learn first. :D

After the shoot I bought some kebab, came home and goth the best birthday present - a great long massage. Nothing can top that. ♥

Friday, 3 February 2017

I will be back!

The last try...if this one won´t work out, I will just stay away from blogging for good (well, in english at least, I still have my slovak blog, where I occasionally post stuff). 

I really like blogging, it´s just...the time...the fucking time...there is so little of it!

I still really, really want to.
My Althemy site is great, but it´s more a portfolio with occasional blog post, but this is a blog, where I wanted to post everything, not just modeling or photography related. 


I will find the time. Come on, tomorrow is my birthday, I will be one year older again. It should be time to be more responsible and to stay behind my words. 

Thursday, 19 May 2016

Asexual Discrimination

Even when you know that nothing is wrong with you, it can be really, really hard sometimes to deal with harsh words from others.

Picture is not mine and I don´t know who the original author is. If I find out I will add proper credits. I just wanted to share it.
Some of the words may not seem that harsh, but coming from someone close to you, they can really be hurtfull (even when those people probably didn´t mean to hurt you).

Friday, 29 April 2016

9 Struggles Of Wearing All Black

I would never think, that I would find a BuzzFeed video so accurate, that I would want to share it. But this, this is just on point.

I´m probably not the only one who knows this struggles (and more) just too well. But it´s always worth it!